Sex and This Girl's City

April 20th, 2011

I have often thought that Carrie Bradshaw would have been a wildly successful blogger if Sex and the City had been created 21st century. Instead of her weekly column in the New York Star where the public could read her article but not respond, she could have had a fabulous blog called “Sex and the City” where her readers could have engaged and conversed with her.

One of the things that made Carrie so successful in her writings was her ability to identify with her readers while entertaining them. She was able to touch people and create emotional attachments with them. when reading her work they would not only feel her pain or excitement, they could relate to her which created this bond amongst strangers.

Personally, like many of you, I had/have a much more emotional attachment to the show. I can relate hugely to Carrie and her life. I am a writer, I have an enormous passion for shoes, my friends easily fit into the personas of Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda and the relationship she has with big is pretty comparable to mine and my husband–Carrie and big did end up together. 🙂

The likeness between Carrie Bradshaw and myself has transcended into my life in many ways–I frequently have people telling me when they watch the show they think of me because of both personality and appearance, even my husband says that over the years when he would see Sex and the City he would immediately think of me. Apparently he is not the only one because many other people think there is a great similarity between Carrie Bradshaw and Carrie Dahle–at the very least we share a great name.

With all the similarities between Carrie and myself, the one I have never really been able to relate to is her many adventures with sex and then the constant use of it as writing material. In fact until now I have only written two things which pertain to sex, “Sex and your Health” and “How Penis Enlargement Led to the Health of My Breasts“, neither of which is so overtly driven by my experiences with sex. Although I do have many great stories that I am sure would be of constant entertainment to you, as my good friend would say “a lady never shares details.” I may at times toy with my readers and share tidbits from my sexual life but I probably won’t outright share those personal stories.

In reading my blog and seeing the vast array of topics I have covered and the lack of sexual content, I couldn’t help but wonder why I was receiving emails and comments from strangers asking me (not Carrie Bradshaw) for advice on sex. What is it about me that says, “I can offer you great advice on your sex lives?”

Until now I have ignored the emails and not posted those comments–I did not how the questions being asked of me were relevant to what I was trying to write. But today, as I looked back over past posts and thought about what I should write, it occurred to me that maybe the topic of sex was not so far-fetched for me. maybe, just maybe, I should take the time to answer the questions that have been posed.

So here goes nothing–I will channel my inner Carrie Bradshaw and maybe a little dear Abby, and answer the random sex questions you all have sent my way. I am not sure how this will turn out but I am going to walk through this door and not look back. Who knows, it is quite possible my input will inspire or help someone.


How do you deal with your wife/girlfriend using a headache as an excuse for sex? If sex will cure a headache can’t I just tell her that?

No you cannot just tell your girl that she is making up excuses for not having sex with you and that her excuse is not valid. If she feels the need to give you an excuse then you need to respect her feelings. I would say that she probably has a bigger issue with your sex life that she is not sharing and instead of hurting you she is making an excuse that she feels is less detrimental.

My advice: talk to her–without blaming or accusing. Find out what her needs and wants are. ask her how you can better things in the bedroom so that she will want to have sex. There are really lots of reasons she may not want to have sex, and without more information this problem cannot be solved as easily as telling her that her excuse is bogus.

Why is my wife comfortable having sex but not with being naked?

Women are often very self-conscious when it comes to their bodies. Although she may be able to get lost in the act of sex and temporarily forget about her self-imposed body image, as she lays there naked in the aftermath, it will inevitably return. all women are different. some women grow into a comfort with their physical self and others never do. the best thing you can do is not continually nag at her or make her feel bad for being uncomfortable. Continue telling her how beautiful you think she is without making her feel bad for covering up. hopefully her trust and comfort level will grow and she will eventually not be burdened by her a negative body image.

Do I need to vajazzle myself or do something equally as naughty to gain the sexual attention I am craving from my guy?

First off, although I am not a vajazzler and as I stated in my blog “Vajazzle-Bedazzle What?,” I am still undecided on the topic . however, I definitely would not call this a “naughty” behavior. Fun, flirty, adventurous, maybe, but not naughty.

Next if you are wanting sexual attention from your man, all you have to do is ask for it. Men are naturally sexual beings and crave as much attention sexually as they can get. being direct with them is always a great approach.

Now if you are looking to spice things up a bit you could always try something a little less outlandish and some new lingerie, text him a sexy message during the day or greet him with a passionate kiss at the door. There are many ways to get attention and you don’t have to do something you are uncomfortable with such as vajazzling yourself.

How important is sex to a relationship?

Sex is a critical part of a relationship. Sex goes way beyond the physical act–when done correctly, there is a level of intimacy and connection that is unlike anything else. I like to think of sex as a thermometer; you can tell the state of a couple’s relationship by the temperature of their sex life. the couple that rarely has sex has many more problems than a lack of sex.

This was just a sample of the long list of questions I have received from readers, but as of today, that is all I am going to answer. Unlike Carrie Bradshaw I have embraced the 21st century and I am a blogger, although I still don’t think that sex is going to be a common theme for me but things could change–I may just start a blog about sex and this girl’s city. You never know.  😉

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