Secrets of a Dating Coach, Sex Coach, & Educator: Vajazzle This, Jennifer Dumb Hewitt!

April 20th, 2011

 

(photo of crystal merkin for sale at coco de mer)

It's true that I am no fan of Jennifer Love Hewitt. 

Is it because she has small corn-like teeth?

Is it because she seems to reference her friggen boobs in every interview she gives?  (for the record, mine are way bigger!)

Or is it because she seems to be the poster child for a woman who is desperate– screaming almost–for love?

While all of the above may be true, my main beef with her is that she is responsible for adding the word "vajazzle" into the American lexicon. 

I admit that I haven't purchased or even read the book in which she devotes an entire chapter to vajazzling, but I don't feel I need to in order to object! 

The concept of women (and men) shaving off all their pubic hair has been around for a while now.  her take on snazzing up your snatch is to glue tiny crystals onto your bald pubic mound to give it a razzle, dazzle punch.  Basically folks, what we're talking about here is a crystal merkin. 

I have no issue with people trimming, dying, shaving, or even gluing crystals onto their mons pubis, but please keep your vagina out of it. 

Vaginas are an internal structure only.  Now, if you really want to vajazzle your vagina (something I don't recommend), you would most likely need some stirrups, a speculum, and a willing "dazzler".  In essence, you would be covering your velvety smooth vagina with both glue (never a good idea!) and crystals….it would probably chafe like a mo-fo, feel something like a bunch of little speed bumps, and you run a strong chance of acquiring some sort of weird infection because you are PUTTING GLUE ON YOUR VAGINA. 

A much better word for the concept of snazzing up your snatch is "vulvajazzling", or, even better, "monsjazzling". 

Secrets of a Dating Coach, Sex Coach, & Educator: Vajazzle This, Jennifer Dumb Hewitt!

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