Puddles of Paddy: The Vajazzle – The Pinnacle Of Trashiness

April 22nd, 2011

I recently watched a television show on Channel 4 called ‘The Joy of Teen Sex’, or something along those lines.

It was probably the most raunchy thing I have ever seen on TV ever; practically verging on the edge of being just outright pornographic. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not complaining. I don’t really care what gets shown, and I’m really not one of those morons who watches a show for the pure satisfaction of being given something to write in about.

The raunchiness of this show isn’t so much the main thing I’m looking at right now, it just sort of sets the scene a little bit, rather than launching face-first into the putrid, unwashed vaginal subject of the ‘vajazzle’.

I remember just over a year ago, maybe more, seeing an advert-esque promotional video on YouTube for a new product called the ‘vajazzle’.

I won’t lie; I thought nothing of it. I didn’t take it seriously because I must have seen thousands upon thousands of videos on the Internet advertising imaginary products, or just simply parodying existing products or advertising campaigns. it seemed like such a ridiculous idea, that I didn’t think it could be real, and if it was, I couldn’t believe that anyone would actually get it done!

I suppose that before I get into the thick of it, I had best explain (via urban dictionary) just what a vajazzle and the ‘art’ of vajazzling is:

Vajazzle: To give the female genitals a sparkly makeover with crystals so as to enhance their appearance.
This definition made me laugh at the part where it said, “so as to enhance their appearance,” because it has exactly the opposite effect.

Personally; I do not find sparkly things sexy. I mean yeah, sparkles grab my attention, like they would anyone who is as easily distracted as I am, but not in the way that I’m thinking, “Yeah, I’d give her one ’cause she’s covered in sparkles.” What is this; Edward Cullen or something? (Look at me referencing popular things! Aren’t I cool?)

“Hey Bella, I don’t see that stinky Werewolf getting a full body Vajazzle”
The appearance the vajazzle made on this show really made me take note of just how trashy it is.

So let me set the scene; we’re in a room with a woman who I can only assume to be some form of beauty therapist or something. there is a large chair, similar to that of a dentistry chair in the middle of the room. a girl wearing an ever so stylish shell suit enters, with her friend. the girl sporting the shell suit sits on the dentist chair and her friend sits down next to her. they talk to the beauty lady for a bit and then the shell suit girl takes off the bottom half of her shell suit.

I know; it’s really beginning to sound like a chavvy lesbian porno with a really poor storyline.

The beauty therapist wastes no time and begins waxing this girl’s pubes; I mean, she is proper tearing those little curly bastards right off. she then gets the ‘gems’ that are to be stuck onto her skin and places them into the shape of; as if you couldn’t have guessed, a PLAYBOY BUNNY!!

When you thought it couldn’t get any fucking worse than having little plastic gems around your vagina, it just bloody well did.

The girls were shown a photograph of someone else who got ‘vajazzled’, where the gems were stuck around, almost like a picture frame. (Link picture is of the described; this is almost 100% definitely NSFW)

I have never been more turned off in my life.

So back on topic; you probably thought that this girl couldn’t be any more trashy if she tried. Well as the wording of that last sentence implied; you were wrong. not only was her vagina ‘adorned’ with gems, but what of her body was exposed during the process of ‘vajazzling’ was covered in love bites.

The vajazzle; taking trashiness to the next level.

What next, a tattoo specifically for your vagina? a wig specifically for your vagina? Oh wait…

Puddles of Paddy: The Vajazzle – The Pinnacle Of Trashiness

Comments are closed.