I Thought I Wanted to Be Married, But Maybe I Actually Just Wanted to Get Engaged?

August 28th, 2012

You want to marry MEEEEEE?

I was the worst kind of stereotype when it comes to trying to get my partner to propose.

In fairness, I use to imbibe large quantities of alcohol and it can get a little sticky modulating your feelings through a haze of test tube shots. Pro alcoholic tip: If you want to be the most popular person at the party, bring a case of “Tooters.” Drunk feelings are sort of like period feelings in that they feel extremely, righteously appropriate in the moment, and no they obviously cannot wait until morning!

So there was wailing. and screaming of questions through great hiccupping sobs, like “Wh-wh-why haven’t you ask-ed m-m-me to marry you yet?” Cue stumbling, possible puking.

Ah, the ancient art of seduction.

Here’s how my father proposed to my mother: One day he said, petulantly: “Well, I want to get married, but you won’t even talk about it.”

So you can see where I got my romance gene.

I was being terrible and I knew I was being terrible, but I couldn’t stop. I was on a runaway train of terrible like when you go batshit crazy after a breakup and can’t stop calling/guilt-tripping/checking that email account you still have the password to even as you feel your dignity evacuating your body.

I stopped verbally vomiting my personal insecurities in that dramatic fashion once I quit el binge drinking, but inside I was still a bubbling cauldron of fear and insecurity ever time the subject was broached. Intellectually I knew it wasn’t true, but my dumb-ass emotions just kept on feeling like there was something wrong with me, that he didn’t love me enough if he didn’t pop the question.

All this pressure built up inside my head, until I did something I never imagined I would be the kind of girl to do: I ultimated him.

Around 7 years of dating, I decided that 8 was about all I had in me. I didn’t see it as telling him what to do so much as informing him of my limits so he could make his decision accordingly. but yeah, I basically told him to propose or I was out. I also told him that it’s not classy to wait until midnight on the last day.

I justified all this by saying that marriage was just very important to me: that despite our total commitment to one another, evidenced by our living together and at that time going through the process to foster children together, I needed the public and permanent commitment of a legal marriage.

So we got engaged, and two weeks later a baby came to live with us, which I would not recommend to those of you looking to revel in engagement attention. My own mother barely looked at the ring.

But that’s still more than you’re likely to get once you’re boring old married. which based on my complete disinterest in actually scheduling my nuptials, maybe isn’t as important to me as I insisted. because in all those fantasies about our future, I never got this far. The camera panned out on the tears glistening in my eyes as he rose from one knee.

Which makes it painfully clear to me that I wasn’t obsessing over getting married. I was obsessing over getting engaged.

I felt that being proposed to would bestow some sort of legitimacy on our relationship, or, let’s be honest, me. to a former ugly girl, a social pariah who has spent my life flabbergasted every time someone is attracted to me, a proposal would be undeniable proof that I am desirable, and lovable. I wanted to be the kind of girl that someone proposes to; that is, I wanted a man to make me OK, which I know is not very feminist and more importantly didn’t work because I’ve got this fucking ring on now and I’m not fixed or anything.

Don’t get me wrong; I still want to get married. I just don’t care as much about it as I thought I did. What I cared about was the show of great commitment inherent in actually purchasing the ring and getting down on one knee. Now that that’s done, I’m straight chilling. The marriage was less important to me than what the proposal represented.

And I definitely could not care less about the details of my wedding day, beyond wanting to look really really hot and eat lots of donuts. My mom keeps emailing me to let me know she wants to be involved in the wedding plans, of which there are none. Hi Mom! I’m not cutting you out, I’m just lazy and apathetic! (Also, stop reading these articles; I write about some really messed-up stuff I don’t want you to know about.)

And of course, being engaged didn’t deliver what I thought it would. It’s dope, but not much has really changed. which as a smart savvy feminist I probably should have already known, but I refuse to be ashamed for having soaked up some of the messages women are bombarded with from birth. I feel fat sometime and I thought there was something amazing on the other side of the proposal, OK? sorry. I’m fucking susceptible.

So when I got to the top of Marriage Mountain and saw it was just the same old trees and shit on the other side, I had the same feeling I had after having S-E-X for the first time — the familiar “Is that all there is?” of being a woman.

I’m engaged, but I’m still insecure as shit, kind of fat, a bad housekeeper, and covered in mystery bruises half the time. I still forget to shave my ankles. I still lazily wipe up spills with my dress. I worry about being a good-enough fiance like I worried about being a good-enough girlfriend and surely will worry about being a good-enough wife.

I still do something up a few times a week that makes me think, “Really? somebody wants to marry me?” Not because marriage is a prize for women, but because it’s a real accomplishment for anybody for whom it took a years-long collaboration between therapy and recovery to become someone you’d want to spend your life with. and maybe that’s the real reason I got so hung up on the symbolism of getting engaged; I do see it, along with other milestones, as a marker of how much progress I’ve made.

Anyway, I’ve learned my lesson. Marriage probably won’t make me any better or happier than getting engaged did.  but I’m glad I get to find out. Sometime. When I feel like thinking about it.

I Thought I Wanted to Be Married, But Maybe I Actually Just Wanted to Get Engaged?

Who Is Mrs. Meyer?

August 28th, 2012

Do you recognize this woman? her name may ring a bigger bell. she is Thelma Meyer, the inspiration behind the garden-scented brand mrs. Meyer’s clean Day. from hand soaps to cleaning supplies, mrs. Meyer’s has been churning out eco-friendly products over 10 years, a result of Thelma’s eldest daughter, Monica Nassif, wanting to create products free of harsh chemicals. Thelma turned 80 earlier this week, and to celebrate, the brand has released a limited-edition peony-scented hand soap and lotion set ($7) — peonies being Thelma’s favorite scent. she also likes lavender and honeysuckle.

The muse behind the earth-friendly line still is surprised by the notoriety. “I can’t believe women go crazy when they find out that I’m mrs. Meyer,” she says. “It’s funny, and there’s lots of smiles and picture taking.” and like the products with her namesake, Thelma sticks to a “less is best” philosophy when it comes to beauty. But if there were one product for mrs. Meyer’s to create, what would it be? “Something that keeps the face moist, wrinkle-free, and in a constant smile,” she quips.

Who Is Mrs. Meyer?

Ellianna Placas, Essence’s Controversial Fashion Director, Steps Down

August 28th, 2012

A spokesman for Essence confirmed to the Times late yesterday that their first white fashion director, Australian-born Ellianna Placas, has left the magazine. This is particularly notable considering the backlash that occurred when Placas was hired in July 2010. at the time, the publication’s former fashion editor, Michaela Angela Davis, responded to the news by tweeting, “It is with a heavy heavy heart I have learned that Essence magazine has engaged a white fashion director, this hurts, literally, spiritually.” she later clarified on her Facebook page:

It is personal and it’s also professional. if there were balance in the industry; if we didn’t have a history of being ignored and disrespected; if more mainstream fashion media included people of color before the ONE magazine dedicated to black women ‘diversified’, it would feel different.

Ellianna Placas, Essence’s Controversial Fashion Director, Steps Down

Discount vouchers, shopping around and using reward points is no longer ‘tight’ in recession-hit Britain

August 28th, 2012
  • Nine out of ten people think it’s cool to be frugal

  • Four out of ten people always shop in budget supermarkets

PUBLISHED: 10:19 EST, 16 August 2012 | UPDATED: 10:26 EST, 16 August 2012

As the recession bites, shoppers worldwide have had to tighten their purse strings.

But a new study has found that the recession has made being frugal cool – with discount vouchers, shopping around and claiming reward points now considered acceptable.

Researchers found that money-saving methods which would have been shameful five years ago for fear of being called ‘tight’ are now commonplace.

Discount shopping is considered cool now with people on the hunt for more bargains

The poll of 2,000 adults revealed nine out of ten people now believe it is ‘cool’ to be frugal.

Before the recession, using vouchers instead of cash or presenting money-off coupons at the checkout would have made people a laughing stock.

But now savvy shoppers are going to great lengths to save themselves money – by scouring the internet for the best deals and avoiding paying full price for products wherever possible.

Other frugal steps Brits take daily include signing up to voucher and cashback websites, shopping in budget supermarkets and buying things on auction websites.

Andy Oldham, Managing Director at the UK’s number one cashback site Quidco, which commissioned the research said: ‘Pulling out a voucher in a restaurant, or using coupons at the supermarket used to be seen as something you only did if you were desperate and hard-up.

‘But since the credit crunch first started to hit, Brits have had no choice but to become more savvy with their money.

‘Using vouchers and discount codes has meant that people have still been able to enjoy nights out, buy new items or even go on holidays – and still watch their spending.

‘The recession has changed many people’s attitudes to money for the better, and shopping around and hunting for discounts is now the norm.

Famous for its bargains, Primark has become extremely popular amongst savvy shoppers in recent years

‘There are some people who even choose where they shop or eat out, purely based on whether they have a voucher or discount code for it.’

The study shows people generally don’t buy an item as soon as they see it anymore – with two thirds preferring to check the price in several different shops before making the final purchase.

Additionally it emerged four out of ten people now always shop in budget supermarkets, and 34 per cent will search for vouchers or discount codes online before committing to buy something.

Brits will now regularly use auction websites to buy or sell goods, and cashback websites are becoming more popular.

Many workers take their left-over dinner to work the next day for lunch to save money

Other sensible ways to save cash include growing your own vegetables (22%), ordering tap water in a restaurant (22%) and opting for supermarket meal deals over takeaways (21%).

According to the research, four in 10 people now think it has become completely inappropriate to flash the cash if you are lucky enough to have it.

Instead, it has become far cooler to find different ways to save money – and the average person reckons that by using vouchers, discount codes, cashback sites and shopping around, they save an average of

A-mane-balls! Funniest and daftest Essex Lion Twitter jokes may make your roar with LOLs

August 27th, 2012

While police in Essex continue searching for a lion on the loose, social network users are sitting back and tweeting gags non-stop about the AWOL big cat.

For the most part, we’ve left the names of tweeters who’ve posted jokes and jolly comments about the trending topic off in the collection of witticisms below. they are proving so popular that they’ve been retweeted (and, erm, pinched ), many, many times over, making it difficult to give credit where it is due.

Also: some web jokers have also got creative with Essex Lion memes, too – including a lion with a vajazzle and plenty of photoshopped TOWIE images.

Check out the virals leaving observers roaring with laughter by clicking here.

– The temptation for the residents of Essex to sing the lion sleeps tonight is only a whim away. #essexlion

– It’s just going to turn out that Arg was watching Born Free on his 3D telly and got confused, isn’t it? #essexlion [Michael Moran, @TheMichaelMoran]

– This is getting interesting. The Essex Lion has just taken refuge in the Ecuadorian embassy #essexlion [David Schneider, @davidschneider]

– who let the lion out, who who who who who #EssexLion

– Paul Gascoigne sighted in Essex with a tin of Whiskers. #lion

– A lion has been spotted in Essex? Has he no pride? #essexlion

– NEWS FLASH: After further investigation police have reported that lion in Essex is in fact a cheetah with spray tan & hair extensions.

– Someone reckons they saw a big cat in Essex? They’re Lion.

Oh Mo! Team GB star could soon have One – rather than three – Lion on his shirt@tiggtag 

– i heard the Essex lion is going tiger tiger tonight. said he’ll fit right in

– Could a Picnic have been mistaken for a Lion Bar in Essex? OK, I’ll get my coat [Kevin Maguire, @Kevin_Maguire]

– oh god. multiple Essex lion twitter accounts already. annoyingly typical reaction to a quirky British animal news story. IT WILL NOT LAST. [Fenton, @Fentonthedog]

– Text from Prince Harry: "There’s a lion loose in Essex? Big deal. You should see the dogs in Vegas". Awkward. #essexlion

– for the best news story ever, we just need 1 of The only way is Essex girls to be wearing a zebra style jacket & for that lion to swing by

– Hope they manage to find the Essex lion before somebody persuades it to get mane extensions and a vajazzle.

– *patiently waits for someone to photoshop Fresco Monkey Jesus’s face onto a lion*

On the prowl: Picture posed by lion modelCarl Stovell / Barcroft 

– Imagine how much dollar you could make if you owned Leigh on Sea’s only all-you-can-eat gazelle buffet [Michael Moran, @TheMichaelMoran]

– There’s a lion on the loose in Essex. Which is annoying, as one had specifically said "let it out in Downing Street". [Elizabeth Windsor, @Queen_UK]

– BREAKING NEWS: A lion is loose in Essex Police are concerned that with his orange skin and big mouth that he might not be seen.

– Everyone beware of the lion on the loose in Essex. This is genuine. his not friendly like Tony the Tiger. his a moody lion [Brian Belo, @brian_belo]

– Still trying to find the lion loose in Essex. might have to use the cast of TOWIE as bait. #essexlion

A-mane-balls! Funniest and daftest Essex Lion Twitter jokes may make your roar with LOLs