Mrs Cameron’s diary

July 24th, 2011

Well the first I knew about anything was Tamara going massive apols, her vajazzle had worn off like weirdly quickly and she had this nude photo shoot coming up so she would not be at  this week’s Farc. and I was like, whatever, since she hardly ever turns up, but then Anya emailed, going absolutely no offence, but her bunion person was insisting on total bed rest. Then Emma Fellowes texted, which is kind of unheard of, saying she had just smelled a common smell, her doctor was on his way, then Mary Portas remembered a threading appointment with this awesome woman in Turkistan.

But I was still only slightly WTF until Sarah Govey who is normally so keen, cried off with a roots crisis, saying really not to worry cos Govey thinks it’s too soon to describe it as toxic and Danny Fink says it will blow over in no time, but her hair was like, genuine nightmare and she’d got this precious cancellation, be mad to turn it down. and I was like, “toxic?”, “blow over?” – and she was like OMG don’t you KNOW?

And how would I because I never look at papers outside fashion week, tbh who has got the time, and Dave always said not to bother with the News of the World because it is so desperately intellectual, unless I really wanted to read page after page by Timothy Garton-Ash.

So Sarah said about Rebekah and Andy, and about everyone, even Govey, being so appallingly misled or they would never have let me meet people like that. I mean Andy has been in our actual flat and Rebekah is still using that Nancy bag we gave her for Christmas, Mummy says we must discontinue, asap. and apart from the sheer social death, it is such a bad look for the party and for the brand, no wonder the ambassadors are hiding.

Mummy blames herself, since apparently everyone knows the Brookses aren’t invited anywhere in Oxfordshire, the Lord Lieutenant’s wife said she would literally rather die in a ditch than eat Rebekah’s nibbles. Then at last Dave came in, going I have some truly dreadful and shocking news babes – it turns out Andy was not psychic after all.

Mrs Cameron’s diary

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